Partner went to a gay bar and didnt tell me

As he came out of the closet, I felt like I was being forced in. No-one understood. No-one really knew what to say. When he came out, he was greeted with encouragement and affirmation. There were support groups for gay married men, forums where he could discuss what he was going through. He was finally being true to himself, forging a new identity, taking his destiny into his own hands.

I was left alone to pick up the pieces. We met in our late teens and the attraction was instant: he was very cute, and always had a bevy of adoring women hanging out of him, but he seemed to only have eyes for me.

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We had the same sense of humour, liked the same things, and six weeks later, we hooked up and were one of the first couples in the gang to marry and settle down. The first question everyone asks me is, did I have any idea back then about his sexuality? Any inkling? Not really. We were young and fairly innocent.

I realise now that there was something lacking. An intimacy maybe, an urgency. On our first wedding anniversary I was seven months pregnant, and within two years was expecting our second child. We moved from our first, small suburban home to something slightly bigger, with more space for our expanding family.

Life was full of the usual: school runs, playdates, dinner parties with other happily married couples just like ourselves. The years passed by uneventfully. When we were about seven years married, I began to worry about my husband. He had become anxious and withdrawn, sometimes angry and defensive.

I thought he was stressed at work, maybe a little depressed. I tried talking to him but he shut down and cut me off. Eventually, after a few too many glasses of wine one night, he admitted to having fantasies about men. Sexual fantasies. I was stunned, baffled, confused.

What was he saying? Was he gay? He got quite angry with me for suggesting this and refused to talk any more about it.